🦋 Why I like apricot jam 🦋

Memories Of The Way We Were

peterbllee

Jan 22, 2022

This post is not about how delicious apricots are or about the nutritional value of apricots.

This can be considered as a continuation of the post about getting publicly exposed as a secondary school student.

This post is based on memories of when I was a secondary school studentI was the only kid who wore homemade shorts that has an elastic waistband. The shorts were made from recycled material from my mother's white nurse uniforms. Being held by an elastic waistband the shorts was easily pulled off. Other kids would run up to me from behind, pull off my shorts and run off. 🏃To make matters worse, I was probably the only one who did not have 🩲 underwear. So at an age where I had pubic hair I get publicly exposed in school.If I had come from a poor family that cannot afford to buy proper shorts and underwear for me, it would have been accepted by meBut that was not the case. My elder brother who was just one year older than me had proper shorts and underwear. He gets new clothes whereas I get clothes used by him or my younger cousin (I am small sized) or children of my mother's friends.I was the child in the family who was told that I was picked up from a rubbish dump. I was smaller sized than my siblings and darker🌚 complexioned and so was different from them. 🤷🧒I was also an unplanned child who was conceived about 4 months after delivery by cesarian section of my elder brother. My sister🤷 was the first born and the only daughter while my brother 🧒 was the eldest son or heir of the family(to be continued - see

bbs.marketBeing publicly exposed in secondary schoolThis post is based on memories of when I was a secondary school studentI was the only kid who wore homemade shorts that has an elastic waistband. The shorts were made from recycled material from my mother's white nurse uniforms. Being held by an elastic waistband the shorts was easily pulled off. Other kids would run up to me from behind, pull off my shorts and run off. 🏃To make matters worse, I was probably the only one who did not have 🩲 underwear. So at an age where I had pubic hair I get publicly exposed in school.If I had come from a poor family that cannot afford to buy proper shorts and underwear for me, it would have been accepted by meBut that was not the case. My elder brother who was just one year older than me had proper shorts and underwear. He gets new clothes whereas I get clothes used by him or my younger cousin (I am small sized) or children of my mother's friends.I was the child in the family who was told that I was picked up from a rubbish dump. I was smaller sized than my siblings and darker🌚 complexioned and so was different from them. 🤷🧒I was also an unplanned child who was conceived about 4 months after delivery by cesarian section of my elder brother. My sister🤷 was the first born and the only daughter while my brother 🧒 was the eldest son or heir of the family(to be continued - see

My family can be considered as lower-⁸middle class. We did not lack food and could afford occasional 🍑🍓🥭🍧🍰treats, one of which was dried apricots.

As explained in the above post, I was not the favourite child. When we children fought, my siblings often were given the benefit of doubt.

There was an occasion when I cried when punished. I refused to stop 😭 crying even when caned more because I considered the punishment as unfair. I was told to stay in the bedroom since I refused to stop crying.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family who were in the next room enjoyed the treat of dried apricots. It was if the punishment includes being deliberately excluded from having the treat together with the family. I felt abandoned, rejected and unloved.

The above incident and what was in the post about getting exposed are part of my childhood memories

I developed negative self images such as being not loved and not worthy of love. I built up a mega inferiority complex. 🥴

With such feelings, I fear being abandoned and had an insecure attachment style. I want attention but fear attention even more.

I desire success but would self sabotage because I fear success. I was a person that others sometimes look up to but often fail to deliver. A NATO or No Action Talk Only person

As a working adult, I rarely treated myself to dried apricots (The wrong core belief that do not deserve such a treat).

I prefer to buy apricot jam because it is so much cheaper than dried apricots.

I want to end this post on a positive note. Because my ⌨️ typing speed is so slow I asked my daughter to help me type the post on why I liked apricot jam.

On my last birthday, she gave me a packet of dried apricots.😀👍👋🦋