There is an endless list of things I think I cannot do. For example, I think I cannot play any musical instrument very well, do a hand stand, or perform surgery on any one for any reason. I also don’t feel any real interest in doing those things. But Eleanor didn’t say the things – she spoke singularly. She said the thing. One thing.

The thing is the pull of your passion you have been denying yourself. It’s what you truly want. It could be your profession, your big adventure, your satisfying relationship, your creative outlet, your expanded knowledge, your social advocacy. It’s most definitely not your safety and your security. Why? Because the thing you think you cannot do is the thing you think will expose you. It will expose you to failure, censure, poverty, loneliness, pain, and loss.

A good friend of mine is famous for affirming that when someone says they cannot do something, what they mean is they are unwilling to do something. What she’s addressing is the underlying choices we make every moment of every day. When we say things absolutely cannot be done, such as “I cannot talk right now,” what we mean is that we are unwilling to talk at the expense of something else we are doing. When we say, “I cannot have children,

what we mean is we are unable to conceive, and we are limiting the infinite possibilities of having children, such as the ability to adopt, or place ourselves in a role where we are nurturing children we are not biologically related to. We say, “It’s just not the same,” and it isn’t. But that does not mean we must deny the possibility. It means we are unwilling to because we have firm expectations about how something must happen in order for it to be valid.